New Year

It's a new year, yaay.. or not. No I'm not very excited :/ It's just a reality check that the time goes by way to fast and I don't like that.. I'm turning 21 in half a year!! I am not looking forward to that! Like what am I doing with my life? Isn't it these years you suppose to travel, have fun and explore and just be happy?? I'm not doing any of that.. I can't travel as much as I want cause I don't have money or time, I can't have fun cause I'm a loser, explore is what you do when you travel and have free time and a life and I am not close to being happy at all... There are some days when I smile and laugh but deep inside I'm still miserable and kind of sad or something.. I got a job now though, for 6 months at least.. I work outside with cows and sheep, give them food and stuff, like a farmer.. I like animals but I don't like being outside now when it's so damn cold, I freexe all day, I can't feel my toes, it's horrible. I work with like 8 people so we're very close all the time which is a bit hard some days when I'm not in the best mood and sometimes It's hard to find something to do, especially for me caus I'm the smallest one so I usually just stand there and watch :/ People are happy that I got a job, more happy than I am, they are "so proud of me", I didn't even do anything special to get this and Ok you're proud of me now?? I'm not even happy? So having a job is more important than your health and happiness? Hmmm okay... I just feel so lost right now, I have work, I need to get my driving license and all... I don't have time for so much more, I feel tired a lot and stressed ofc because time is going so fast and I just wanna do something with my life, I want to make a big change that could make me a bit happy, but I don't know where to start.  I try to look for jobs in England and stuff but it's so hard, I can't find anything. It would be so much easier to go there and study but I don't wanna study, school is not for me! unfortunately..

Today is hockey day, the finals in Junior VM/WM, and tomorrow I don't need to work (yaay)

I've started to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta from the start now, I love Kim ^^ and NeNe is quite fun, love her in Glee.. LoL

Now time to make lunch... Bye <3