Some funny things

Bruno Mars: "I'll catch a grenade for yaa!"

 Girl: "Really? Today?"

 Bruno Mars: "Wait, no. Today I don't feel like doing anything.

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Person dies in movie; "Eh. They probably desevered it." 

Puppy dies in movie: "WHAT THE F^CK! WHAT DID THE PUPPY DO?!"

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Dear hoodies & sweat pants, thank you for being there for me.

 Sincerely, sexy and I know it, but too lazy to show it.

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Dad: "LIKE A CHEESE STICK"

 Me: "Dad, its G6..."

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Dear tampon commercial,

 When I'm on my period, I don't wear a WHITE bikini or do a backflip.

 Sincerely, Real Women.

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My homework brings all the Asians to the yard,

 And they're like "It wasn't that hard"."

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I hate it when strangers say "I don't bite"

 Yeah, because the first thing I think when I meet someone is

 "OMG! This bit*h is gonna bite me!"

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie,

 then BOOM!

 The human giraffe sits in front of you. -___- 

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 SHORTEST GAME OF SIMON SAYS:

 "Simon says jump! Simon didn't say land, you're all out."

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If women ruled the world, there would be no wars. . .

 Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other."

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If you watch Mean Girls backwards,

 it's about a girl who gets so unpopular that she has to move to Africa.

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Dear high school movies,

 Please start hiring actors who are ACTUALLY high school age. 

Sincerely, you're not fooling anyone

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Eenie meenie miney moe, you are nothing but a hoe.

 You think you're cute, you think you're classy. 

Reality check: you're really trashy(:

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In scary movies, the person yells out,

 "Hello?" As if the bad guy is gonna be like,

 "Yeah, I'm in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?"

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Whoever ''Shawty'' is, she apparently has a lot of rapper boyfriends."

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